What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
