Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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