I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
