Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
