I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
