i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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