So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
