So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
