Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
