I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
