The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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