now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
