on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
