On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i drank out of a bidet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
