Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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