Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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