drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
