Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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