I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
