I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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