her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
