I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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