My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
