What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
