I'm jealous of your bromance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
