Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
