my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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