so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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