a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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