? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
