it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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