need another drink. this is the easiest way
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
