I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
