i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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