Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My feet surprised me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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