dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my shit smells like andre
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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