How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
