im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
