I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
