I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize