I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
