There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
