it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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