john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
