its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
