You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize