Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
