Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
