it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
