Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
