We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
