you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
