I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
