I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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