I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is the high leading the old right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
