So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
