she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
