I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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