How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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