I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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