hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
