let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
