No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
