My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
