You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
