just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
