I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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