I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
