I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
