Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
