Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
