is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
