Buhtt sex?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
