I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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