how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
